Won't You Come Outside?

I should really go do my homework.

How on earth do you award aesthetic points to a 75-minute suicide note?

—Michael Billington, on 4:48 Psychosis

RIP Adrienne Rich.

RIP Adrienne Rich.

(Source: )

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Sufjan Stevens

—Chicago

I fell in love again 
all things go, all things go 
drove to Chicago 
all things know, all things know 
we sold our clothes to the state 
I don’t mind, I don’t mind 
I made a lot of mistakes 
in my mind, in my mind 

University of Chicago, Illinois Fuck, why is the UChicago campus so beautiful? But so unattainable! I don’t really understand why my father made me take my SATs and apply to school in the states and then get me all excited about going to this amazing, beautiful school where apparently I would “really enjoy myself”, when I am just going to have to turn down the offer of admission  because we can’t afford tuition. He probably just wanted to impress his parents.  I would like to impress my parents too, but I am mad at them at the moment. I freaked out last night, and started crying and yelling at them, “I know nothing about money and it’s all your fault why didn’t you teach me about money couldn’t you at least have helped me when I opened up a bank account, or at least show me how to file a tax return I am sick and tired of the stupid secrecy surrounding money in this household, please I am not a child, why do I know nothing about this? Why do I know nothing about your financial situation?” I am worried. I am worried because I need to apply for federal financial aid, and in order to do that I need my parents to file their taxes (my Dad hasn’t filled an IRS since 2006). I am worried because this is out of my control, but I am expected to do it all on my own. And, because we have not gotten our tax returns in soon enough, I will not know how much tuition will cost before I have to reply to UChicago’s offer. It just seems so pointless. Why would I bother going through all this? Why don’t I just concentrate on finding scholarships for McGill and Dalhousie? I must be an optimist. The point is, I am finally starting to have full disclosure with my parents, and I realize that no matter where I go to university, if I go to university, it will be a huge strain on my parents and I am going to be in debt for a long time. Goodbye summer plans of visiting my cousins in Europe. Hello shitty retail job.

University of Chicago, Illinois

Fuck, why is the UChicago campus so beautiful? But so unattainable!

I don’t really understand why my father made me take my SATs and apply to school in the states and then get me all excited about going to this amazing, beautiful school where apparently I would “really enjoy myself”, when I am just going to have to turn down the offer of admission  because we can’t afford tuition. He probably just wanted to impress his parents. 

I would like to impress my parents too, but I am mad at them at the moment. I freaked out last night, and started crying and yelling at them, “I know nothing about money and it’s all your fault why didn’t you teach me about money couldn’t you at least have helped me when I opened up a bank account, or at least show me how to file a tax return I am sick and tired of the stupid secrecy surrounding money in this household, please I am not a child, why do I know nothing about this? Why do I know nothing about your financial situation?”

I am worried. I am worried because I need to apply for federal financial aid, and in order to do that I need my parents to file their taxes (my Dad hasn’t filled an IRS since 2006). I am worried because this is out of my control, but I am expected to do it all on my own. And, because we have not gotten our tax returns in soon enough, I will not know how much tuition will cost before I have to reply to UChicago’s offer. It just seems so pointless. Why would I bother going through all this? Why don’t I just concentrate on finding scholarships for McGill and Dalhousie? I must be an optimist.

The point is, I am finally starting to have full disclosure with my parents, and I realize that no matter where I go to university, if I go to university, it will be a huge strain on my parents and I am going to be in debt for a long time.

Goodbye summer plans of visiting my cousins in Europe. Hello shitty retail job.

(Source: wehaveamap)